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1 year - still waiting

This month marks 1 year since my husband and I started to try to have a baby. One of the hardest years of my life. November came the joy of finding out we were finally expecting, then December the devastation of a miscarriage. Each month that passes and I'm not pregnant, I die a little inside. I'm bitter towards the people around me who are pregnant, when I shouldn't be. They didn't do anything to me. I feel like an awful person. But how am I supposed to be happy for someone who has everything that I've ever wanted.

Today I found out that my insurance will not cover any type of infertility treatment because I miscarried my baby. It was like a whole new blow. Like they are telling me that just because i was able to carry a baby for less than 6 weeks I don't have any issues.

I don't feel like my husband fully understands the emotions I am going through. I cry, a lot. I am really struggling. Being a mom is something that I am supposed to do. So why can't I? Why isn't God giving me a baby?

I just needed to get my emotions written down. I know this was just a bunch of mumbo jumbo but thank you for reading this if you did.

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