So I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I know if I WERE to have a baby, that I would want HIM to be his/her father. I have never loved any guy like I love him. I have been through a lot in my life. I had an abortion when I was 17 (different guy) he was 26 and used to treat me like shit I was just young and dumb. And he even told me as soon as I told him "You know you're getting rid of it right?" And threw my ultrasound pic of my 3month old fetus and said he saw those before. He already had a son, and don't carry that with me"...

I'm mumbling but my point is my bf now though he hasn't been perfect, and we definitely had our rough patches. He is the first guy to treat me like I am important. He showed me what it's like the be "The Girlfriend" not just a dumb girl. He has made me so happy I am crying as I type this. But in these 3 years of us being together we have never gotten pregnant 😖. It's funny how life works isn't it? The biggest piece of shit under the sun managed to put a baby in me no problem (He didn't smoke weed). But the one I would trade my life for that I have been committed to, and the only man I've had sex with in the last 3 years, no condoms or BC, never did?

He talks about babies all the time. He said the first time we had sex even though we barely knew each other he was hoping I texted him I was pregnant. And 3 years later. Still never happened.

The only reason I am TTC, and on this app is to see the days it would happen,and get advice at then same time. But deep down, I don't know if I'm REALLY ready to be a full time mom. We have our own apartment, nice car, and both have part time jobs. But its such a life changing thing. And I'm only 24, he just turned 28. But he also kind of told me he wants kids by the time he's 30. And if I don't want kids, he will basically leave and get his wish. He didn't say it so harsh...but reading between the lines that exactly what he meant. Bit at the same time smokes weed HEAVILY. And I keep telling him if he wants a baby to quit!!! I read even men under 30 sperm count drops dramatically from smoking weed! Even glow said quitting cigarettes boosts fertility by %60! We both smoke both! I know I am quitting! We just spoke about this before I took him to work. But he just keeps buying weed like he doesn't care, So why should I?

Should I not TTC if I am not sure I am ready to be a fulltime mom? I know I will love my baby, and do everything I can. But I know he wants this that's why I've been looking into how to make it work? Please help😖😖