I'll never be the same

My mom passed away 3 years ago, I was 16 then and it was all of a sudden. I kissed her goodnight one day and the next morning she was gone forever. I feel so lonely sometimes and i still think that it's just a nightmare and I'm still expecting to wake up one day and see her in the kitchen. 
I have a bf right now which I feel like I love but I'm just too scared that It's not love and it's only the fear of losing someone and being lonely. Even if he is not good for me