I wish someone would have told me how hard getting pregnant actually was. I'm trying not to be bitter, but that's really hard when all I pray, hope, and wish for is to have a child. Everyone keeps telling me my brain is getting in the way, that I have to stop thinking about it. But here is the deal, I can't stop thinking about it at this point. Even when I try to relax, the thought is still there. I might not be as obsessive this month, but it is still there. I want to be a mother. I want to have a beautiful healthy baby that is mine. One that I created, except that isn't happening. And each month that becomes harder and harder to accept. I cry thinking about the beautiful child I will get to raise, teach, and love unconditionally, but that child doesn't exist.  I wonder, "what's wrong with me?", "are there things I can do differently?". Then I realize I'm doing those things, it just isn't the time. But I want it to be so bad. I'm just so tired of hearing, "it will happen when you least expect it". What people don't understand is there isn't a point now that I will "least expect it". It is there nagging at the back of my mind all the time. I feel broken, and tired, but I will still remain hopeful.