(Part 2) 5 Key Truths That Will Lead You To A Better Love Life

Hey,

In case you need missed part 1 feel free to visit my page and read it

5 Key Truths That Will Lead You To A Better Love Life.

Today is the second part of this series, where I'm going to talk about a truth you must know to avoid getting caught up in a relationship you don't want (or, in a worse case scenario, a "toxic" relationship) . . .

This is the truth of choice, which is:

Every day, you are choosing your love life.

What do I mean by this?

A few things:

- If you're currently in a relationship, every day, you are waking up and choosing to be with your partner. Yes, you might have children or a marriage contract or some other factors that make the relationship feel like it's not a choice, but the fact remains that you really do always have a choice in who you choose to be with and if you are in the relationship, you are choosing to be with them.

- If you are single, you are choosing to be single. Yes, you may really want a relationship right now and feel like you're not choosing to be single, but let me put it to you like this: Chances are you could get into a relationship with someone. It wouldn't necessarily be someone you wanted to be with, but my point is that you do have a choice here and you're choosing to be single over being with someone who you don't want to be with.

Regardless of what your love life looks like right now, you are making choices . . . you are not a victim, you are not at the mercy of reality or fate . . . you have complete control over what you choose to participate in or not.

When I say it like this, anyone would agree that this is an obvious and apparent truth. Fair enough, but I mention it because . . .

If you can readily see that you are choosing to participate in your love life in it's current form, then you also must acknowledge that you are responsible for your participation in the love life you're choosing.

Now, to be clear, I'm not saying you are ever responsible for someone else's actions, emotions or reactions . . . no, you are not because you cannot be.

At the same time, it also holds true that another person cannot be responsible for your actions, emotions or reactions.

So if someone behaves in a crappy way towards you or is going through some emotional negativity, yes, I'm saying you're not responsible for that. . . and that also means if you behave negatively, have a negative reaction to them or have negative emotions, yes, I'm saying that you're responsible for that because nobody else ultimately can be.

While this can seem innocent enough, misunderstanding this one truth is the basis for all toxic relationships (recommended reading):

=> www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/signs-toxic-relationship/

Let me tie these ideas together to show you why this is such an important truth to having a great love life . . .

Nobody is forcing you to be in a relationship with someone else . . .

More than ever before, it seems like whining about relationships is in-fashion in our culture.

I log into Facebook and see passive aggressive quote graphics calling out men for being bad or friends for not being "real friends" or talking about how menshould be treating them . . .

And I think to myself, "Who are these women yelling at? What positive outcome do these women think they're going to achieve with these quote graphics?"

But more than anything, I think, "Nobody is forcing you to be in a relationship with someone you don't like or who doesn't live up to your standards!"

It makes no sense when a person participates every-step-of-the-way in a friendship or relationship, but simultaneously whine and complain about the friend / lover / partner / spouse.

Nobody is forcing them to be friends with that person. Nobody is forcing them to be in a relationship with someone else.

And these are adult women . . . they're not being forced by their parents to "eat their vegetables" . . . they can do anything they want, but they act like they're a victim to a cruel and unfair "withholder".

Listen, nobody is withholding anything from you.

Our culture has some big idea that other people can "give you" a relationship and that they need to do or say certain things in order for you to have love (or more significantly, that they can withhold love or some other essential emotion from you) . . .

It's just not the case, but our culture is woefully ignorant to emotional intelligence and the dynamics of love and relationship.

I'm getting ahead of myself here, though, this is something we'll talk about in a later episode.

What I'm talking about right now is that you are choosing your love life, every day.

Some choices are small choices . . . like giving your partner a kiss goodbye before you leave to run errands.

Some choices are big choices . . . like deciding to stop waiting for some guy to "come around" after he's explicitly said he doesn't want a relationship.

It's important that you understand this because it's a foundation to everything else I have to say about relationships . . .

It can be frustrating for me sometimes when I write an article that talks about things a woman can do to improve her relationship or attractiveness, only to get a comment that says:

"This is so chauvinistic! You are a man telling women that they have to do all these things while the man just sits around doing nothing and the woman begs for him to choose her."

(It seems like in this day and age it's also fashionable to be "outraged" about things and accuse people of being an -ist . . . in this case, a sexist / chauvinist.)

I've said this many times before:

When I write about relationships, I write what I would want someone to tell my sister (or another woman who I care deeply about) if I wasn't there to answer the question for them. That is the place I write from.

I want to help women avoid pain and get to enjoy a great love life. And that is obvious if you understand that I write to you assuming that you take responsibility for your love life and don't shift the blame onto someone else.

YOU choose your love life and YOU are responsible for it.

There is nothing more empowering than realizing deeply that you are ultimately in control of your relationship.

So the reason why I talk about what women can do to improve their love lives is because it's women reading these articles, looking for how they can improve their love life!

If you want change, then the change is only going to take place by you understanding where you have choice, power and the ability to affect the situation.

Not only does it empower you to choose what you want, it allows you to automatically avoid getting caught up in some situation that you don't want and not be able to see a way out.

When you remember, "As I'm in this, I'm making the choice to participate in this or not," then it would be quite silly to blame anyone else if you continue to participate in it after determining it is not a relationship you want to continue participating in.

You are responsible for your emotions, reactions and actions. Nobody else.

They are responsible for their emotions, reactions and actions. Nobody else.

If their typical pattern of behavior doesn't live up to your standards, then it might be time to consider why you're continuing to participate in a relationship with them.

Granted, all of us have our bad days and I'm not advocating expecting another person to be perfect, but if they're continuously not living up to your standard of the relationship you want . . . why are you continuing to choose to participate in the relationship?

At the very least, it's worth examining.

This simple realization of emotional responsibility is the basis of what some people call maturity in relationships (though I tend to avoid the term since it's been mis-used and misinterpreted so often in our culture).

I realize that today's truth might seem a lot more simplistic and maybe not as glamorous as yesterday's truth, but this truth is essential in making sure you don't end up wasting months (or even years) caught up in a relationship that you're not happy being in . . .

That said, there are plenty of cases where a relationship starts out great and then slides into a dynamic where neither partner is happy in it anymore, yet they don't want to give up on the relationship . . .

In these cases, I highly recommend that you read this article:

=> www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/how-to-fix-a-toxic-relationship/

OK, so that's it for today's episode: You are choosing your love life every day. If you are single right now, you are choosing to be single and not settle (and I don't blame you!). And if you're in a relationship, you arechoosing to be with your partner, every moment of every day.

You always have choice and when you realize you have choice, you are realizing where you have power.

I hope what I wrote for you sinks in and you understand the power behind what I'm saying . . . when you realize where you have power, you gain the ability to bring about the life you actually want (instead of believing you are at the mercy of situations and circumstances). You hold all the power!

Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode, where I'll be sharing another key truth to unlocking your best love life!

Hope it helps,

E.C.