I dont know how to put this

I just dont want a baby shower. I get anxiety thinking of my family all together and I hate it. Even and as a child I would never want a birthday party i would hate having to see my family. For holidays and all of that. I hate it. I guess you can say im ashamed of my family. They werent there growing up. Always drama. Most are drug addicts or alcoholics. Just a bunch of do nothings and just have a skewed way of living life. I cant stand it. I only hear from them a few times a year i have no relationship with anyone. Nor do i want one. My SO doesnt understand why i dont want my family around how do i get myself out of this.