How does surviving childhood abuse affect your parenting?

Question

Has anyone been through childhood abuse (physical, sexual and/or emotional) and feel that it affects your parenting? Do you find yourself to be overly fearful that someone will harm your child? Or conversely, are you afraid that you may repeat the cycle of abuse? If you've overcome your childhood abuse, how did you do it? What worked for you? This is such a taboo subject, but so many people have suffered from childhood abuse and it can impact your adult life more than you realize. Hugs and prayers to all going through the daily battle childhood abuse creates in your heart and mind. I'm also giving a mental hug to my 7 year old self, who I need to acknowledge didn't deserve what happened to her (and I need to forgive her for "letting" herself be harmed).

Answer

My child will not be allowed to sleep at other children's houses.

Answer

I was sexually abused as a child by a family member's boyfriend it definitely makes me very watchful over my daughter. I am very selective about who is around her. I want so far as to tell my SIL when she watv had her that if she had her boyfriend there to not let my daughter out of her sight not for one second. She ended up taking her with her to the bathroom and etc. until my other SIL moved in with her. Her boyfriend knows that I have said this and never questioned it. Call me overprotective but I'll do anything and everything in my power to make sure she is always safe.

Answer

I was sexually abused by my stepfather at the age of 12.  My mom found out when I was 15 but did nothing about it.  My step-dad continued to be inappropriate until he finally left her when I was in my 30's.  I never went to counseling. I don't really have much to offer in how I dealt with it. I still have nightmares about my step dad occasionally and I hate when people mention his name.  He had many other issues on top of the abuse.  I have just tried to put it in the past and move on.

I now have 2 girls and am pregnant with a 3rd.  Even though my girls are only 2 and 3, I talk to them about their private parts and who should and shouldn't touch them, and the reasons it's ok to touch (medicine, diaper changing, baths).  I am very aware of their reactions to people and keep open conversations with them about their feelings.  I am not paranoid or scared that it could happen to them.  I am just aware and try to educate.  It's all I can do.

Answer

I was sexually abused as a child for years and, although my angel isn't due until August, I can already tell I'm going to have anxiety over something happening to him/her. Hell, it already gives me anxiety...so I'm sure I'm going to be over protective. Thankfully my SO can balance me out 😉

Answer

Hi I'm so sorry that happened to you. Every day I get more and more amazed at people's inner strength through seeing it in people I have met through this app.
I wasn't abused but I am the child of parents that were both abused. They were abused by a sibling and a cousin. I never noticed anything different about my home growing up but in hindsight I see my parents were paranoid about nudity during our childhood. I shared a room with my sister for 16 years and never once did either of us see each other naked. Also they were very careful to not allow my brother and us to ever share a bedroom or be in each others bedrooms even at a very young age. So the atmosphere in our house was very loving but there was also a certain stifling of anything that could be remotely sexual - censoring of even kisses on television for example. 
All in all my parents did a great job and as I grew into adulthood we, as a family, grew out of that closed stifled attitude (for various reasons that were all positive). I am sure you will be a great parent too. I just wanted to give you a perspective from a child of people who were abused in a situation where, yes, the abuse impacted the parenting but in the long run it didn't matter so much because we were loved.

Answer

I was emotionally abused and I am now very overprotective of my,kids but it's made me be an awesome parent as well because I've worked really hard to make sure our home is a loving place to be. No,walking on eggshells, we laugh we joke, I'm silly with my kids and tell them,i love them all the time. They say it to each other all the time too, I catch them Lol and they are brothers 5 years apart so that says something. But yeah the down side is I'm really overprotective and crazy, do not mess with my kid lol shit will go down. I used to be terrified every day when I got off the bus to go home because I knew I'd be in trouble for something, my moms partner pretty much hated me, my mom worked 2 jobs so she would take care of me. She treated me horribly told me I was worthless and I make her sick. It was from age 2-12. She ended up getting lung cancer when I was 13 and died. I never want my kids to feel like that and me and hubby have made our home a loving place

Answer

My dads "spankings" got out of hand so there will be no spanking or hitting of any kind in my home.

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I don't have much to say from personal experience, but I just wanted to comment that this is a really good subject and will hopefully lead to great conversation!

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It has made me not want to have kids. Not because I will abuse them but because they don't need to have anything to do with the abuse, drug addiction and down right psychotic people in my family.

Answer

I'm sure it does. I wasn't abused but I have some severe trust and abandonment issues because of my dad. 😁

How does surviving childhood abuse affect your parenting?

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