Do I tell my SO who sexually assaulted me as a child?

Question

I was sexually assaulted by a close family member as a child. It's getting serious with my SO and he is close with my family and even the one who assaulted me. He knows that I was assaulted but not who did it. I've told 2 boyfriends and have been terrified that they would tell others now that we're not together. Do I tell him and upset the bond he has with my family or leave it in the past?

Accepted Answer

Honestly, you should feel comfortable telling your SO everything. I mean if you have kids and didn't tell him, and one day leaves the kids with the offender....he might need to know. He doesn't know the evil behind this guy and you should enlighten him so he doesn't unknowingly bring you guys together. It's not your fault, and in no way would you be a bad person for telling him. He deserves to know.

Answer

Why didn't you have him arrested?

Honestly, I would tell my SO because I wouldn't want him getting close to a person who would sexually assault someone. I wouldn't want my SO to be like "oh so and so is such a great person!" While not telling him slowly eats away at you inside because you know he's actually a shitty person.

Answer

Tell him because I can tell it kinda bothers you right now and if they became closer, it's only going to bother you more and drive you crazy. Just tell him now.

Answer

Do what makes YOU comfortable. It's your past. If you want to confide in him, do it.

I'm sorry that happened to you. ):

Answer

No excuses i wouldn't let him get away with it..or her...& I'd tell my SO

Answer

I've just recently told my boyfriend I was sexually harassed/assulted by a guy I use call my "friend" a year and half ago and my boyfriend is a supportive now about all the mental illness I have now because of what that creep did to me but at least my boyfriend is not going get super frustrated with me when I have anixety attack

Answer

I had the same problem && I never told any I dated but my fiancé but he kind figured it out in his because of the way I reacted to certain touches ect.

Answer

My abuser is a close family member and I haven't told anyone about it other than my husband but he doesn't know who it is.

Answer

That's completely up to you. My abuser is still close with my family, I however am not and live out of state. My current boyfriends knows and ive never made it a secret to anyone. My boyfriend makes it harder for me to go visit my family bc my abuser still lives with them simply bc he's worried about me so that is difficult but it's understandable and something we deal with.

Answer

My husband has hinted that he was sexually abused when he was 10 before but he's never talked about it and shuts down when we talk about anything like that in our childhood. It eats me alive every day. I don't know what happened or who it was and it kills me to know that I could be close with someone who abused my husband. We now have a daughter and I thank God that we live in a different state than his family just in case it was a family member.

So coming from my perspective, I think you should tell him because he's probably already racking his brain about who hurt you, like I am with my husband.

Do I tell my SO who sexually assaulted me as a child?

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