My husband works long hours and is out of town quite a bit as well. He has really moved up in his company so much that we decided it would be good for me to quit my job and stay home. I love being able to do this, and whenever he is off I'm completely free to spend my time with him. I'm in love with him, and we've been together 4 years. The only problem is that he's cheated on me 3 times before we got married (talking and going out with other women but not having sex). After I found out about the 3rd one he swore to me he has grown up (we are still pretty young) and wouldn't so much as look at another woman in that way again. It was his idea to swear that he wouldn't even look at porn to prove he was different. 4 times now (since we've been married) I've found porn and pictures of several girls on his phone when he gets back in town. He isn't talking to anyone but he is continuing to tell me he won't watch porn and is. Every time I confront him he just cries and says he hates hurting me. He seems to prefer girls the exact opposite of me and I can tell now that he makes subtle hints about me being different (ex. I have black hair, stretched ears, prefef dark colors, and am very pale. He always hints that I should wear more revealing clothing or that I should dye my hair blonde. He likes blonde, tan, skinny cheerleader types). I've become very insecure and have started dwelling on one my exes. I know we still have a connection and it feels nice knowing that he wants me. We hardly dated at all but I can't get him off of my mind. Recently we texted a little but I felt guilty and stopped. I just want someone to listen, I know this is a jumbled mess..