What should I do?

I have been real rude and phony to people. But I wanted to fit in with both my family and friends. Now I wanna change but they won't let me. They keep judging me saying oh we don't like her, making plans behind my back ( going out/ sleepovers ).I try so hard to be their friend. They have even stop talking to me. I have to cry for them to ask why and then when I do they get mad, even though I never told them I did that. They call me a cry baby. But they don't know my whole story. I had a crush on this boy but I lied and said I didn't and I treated him differently, he never noticed that I liked him. But he likes me to. I'm so scared that in the long run they won't be my friends because of my past. I try to move past it. I have never cut my self even though I think about it a lot. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭