In 2011 my oldest daughter was murdered by her childcare provider while I was at work. I'm torn because she is and always will be my baby, my child i gave birth to her and took wonderful care of her and developed a deep bond with her for almost two years. When people ask how many kids do you have or how old are your kids I'm not sure how to respond if I say three I avoid a painful moment when I have to explain what happened but I also feel like I should being saying four because she is still my baby and I feel guilty for not including her so I don't have to go through the pain of telling the story to everyone who asks. I have been really torn about this for a long time. I am now pregnant and am extremely sensitive to this I break down and cry just thinking about it.