What would you do?

Question

Well I got pregnant by a complete asswipe. It wasn't meant to happen, but it did.
I don't want to be put down for suggesting this but I know I will and it's ok. 
I'm thinking about giving the father an "out"

I told him I was going to get a pregnancy test and he blew up, and was an ass about it. So I am going to give him and out before telling him. 
  
I am going to say -
I'm going to give you an "out" before I tell you any results. 
Either you are going to be there for your child or your not going to be able to see or hear from him/her until he/she is old enough to decide on its own OR you will man up help out and get to know your beautiful child.

I grew up with a dad that resented me. I refuse to let my kid grow up with that.

Opinions please

Answer

Oof, this is a super personal choice- do whatever you feel is best. I personally would be hesitant to let him off the hook completely, at least in terms of child support, bc kids are expensive and he willingly accepted the risk of pregnancy he chose to have sex with you. So I at least wouldn't sign away any legal right to child support, but I certainly wouldn't force him to be involved in the child's life either. Sometimes no influence is better than a bad one.

Answer

I can tell you that a friend of mine who went to Harvard law had a very strong mother who did exactly what you're suggesting. The guy never came around, my friend has no clue who he is, and she's doing great. I'm not saying it's easy or that it works that way for everyone, I'm just saying trust your instinct. It will be hard not to have a dad and it will be hard to have an asshole dad who may not always be around. I'm sure whatever you decide will be the choice that is easiest for your baby.

Answer

My only concern is a verbal out now doesn't put anything on paper legally or make it official its still up in the air he would still have rights and he could change his mind at any time making your life and the babies harder. My suggestion have it written up by a lawyer and have him sign off his rights

Answer

Even though he's a jerk, he may need time to come around. Your child will have so many questions and wonder about his/her father. Just knowing who he is may be easier then the whole mystery of not knowing. I don't know him though so if he's going to be a terrible influence then you gotta do what's best. You might want to give a few chances before writing him off

Answer

My first chikds father was an asshole, we broke up while i was pregnant. He was around till my child was 3 and disappeared into another life and state. My child remembers him and as he grew up it was very hard and he felt abandoned and needed therapy.

My middle child's father was an angry asshole. He disappeared when child was 9months old. My child does not remember him and has had an amazing, drama free life.

That being said, with my experience, I think an out could be a great idea. Life is better for you and your children without all the drama. And i suggest getting him out of your life before the child can remember him. I am now married with an amazing guy who is a father to the two who had crappy "sperm doners" as biological father's.

I would suggest though, to get legal documents of this "out" because he could easily change his mind and start drama. But we aware that an out may require that he never have to pay child support.

Answer

Go with why you feel! You have to do what's best for you and your baby.

Answer

My aunt got pregnant right after high school... The guy treated her like crap and she didn't stay with him.. My cousin didn't even take his dad's last name... While I know he sees my cousin(her son) sometimes, he has nothing more to do with him than seeing him after he came back from boot camp... My aunt raised him for a few years by herself and married a man who adopted my cousin and raised him like his own.

Answer

You do what u gotta do for ur baby.

What would you do?

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