Gender reveal advice..

My friend wants to do my gender reveal and my baby shower... But she doesn't want me and my partner to know what the baby is until the party which is NOT okay with my partner and frankly me either because it takes away from the special moment where we find out privately together. My friend insist she won't do it if we decide to find out which is fine. Isn't a gender reveal something you throw yourself anyways? I don't need negative comments about my friend. Just curious how it's supposed to work or how it normally does.