There seems to be no me left in me. Between taking care of my son and husband then our house I've lost what makes me happy. Half the time I dont know if I'm happy or sad or just going through the motions. Before I met my husband I was such a happy person. I'm not blaming him for my unhappiness but I eventually started to focus on him more than me. I was raised that's how a woman is supposed to be. But before I met him I always put myself first, I felt that if I couldn't make myself happy then how could I make someone else. So after I realized I was unhappy with myself as a person I went to the doctors and got on antidepressants and felt better for a while. When we decided to try for a child I quit taking them and when our son was born I poured all of me into him and my husband. When he was 6 months old I got back on the antidepressants to try and be happy again. That time I noticed that I wasn't quite as miserable but I still wasn't happy within myself.  I'm now off the medication again and pregnant with our second child, and I am so tired and miserable that I can barely find it in me to get ready for the day. I wish I could blame this on hormones but I think all they do is heighten my feelings. I'm not even sure it's depression anymore and I feel like maybe I rely on the medication to make me happy now. I just wish I could find that part of me I lost all those years ago. I want to be that person again, to somehow get that part of me back and use it to make my family and myself happy. As of right now I feel that I'm not the mother my son deserves or wife my husband needs, and with another baby on the way I don't know that I'll ever be that happy person my family deserves. I'm just lost.