The hardest thing.

Perhaps the hardest thing about losing my baby is knowing that nothing I did was enough. 
It wasn't enough that I quit drinking caffeine. It wasn't enough that I no longer drank alcohol and stayed away from people who smoked. 
It wasn't enough that I no longer wrestled with difficult animals at work. 
It wasn't enough that I avoided the radiology suite. 
It wasn't enough that I began to take better care of myself. 
It wasn't enough that I started eating healthier and religiously took my vitamins even though they made me nauseous. 
It wasn't enough that I started doing light exercise. 
It wasn't enough that I started sleeping better. 
Nothing I did was enough for my baby to live. And I'm left with a giant hole in my life again. 
Why has my body betrayed me twice? When will this feeling of inadequacy go away?