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1 year anniversary

Ashley • Fri, Apr 01

One year ago today I felt my daughter move for the first and the last time. We knew she had fluid in her stomach at 18 weeks but after two more checks it seemed to improve. A year ago tomorrow, April fools day, God played the most cruel joke on me and took my little girl at just 20 weeks. At 5 am I woke up suddenly in a panic but couldn't explain why. I just knew something was off. There was no more movement but I thought "maybe she's sleeping" At 8:15 that morning at a weekly checkup there was no heartbeat. No flicker. No nothing. I had to explain to my 5 year old that his sister was in heaven. I had to call my parents and have them drop everything to drive 3 hours to my house bc I was a mess and needed a D&C ASAP.

Here we are a year later and I'm still so mad. It's still taking time to lose some of the weight my body has stubbornly held onto, I haven't done anything this year to be proud of, my husband still doesn't talk about it. It's like it never happend. I feel so alone. I'm afraid to sleep bc I don't want to dream about this and replay it over and over.

I'm sorry to tell my entire story ladies. I just need to get it out, my husband won't acknowledge it and I've lost a lot of friends this last year being so sad. 😕