My sister had her baby today, all I wanted to do was hold him but I couldn't, I refused in some way I felt as though I was disrespecting my daughter. I know that doesn't make sense, I don't know what it is but I can't hold new born say all. All I did was cry today, she delivered her son in the same room I delivered my daughter. And I felt like I was in agonizing pain the whole time, the only time I stood was while she had the baby, I felt as though my knees were going to buckle. I am both happy and broken hearted. My sister drank, did drugs, and just took life for granted, she smoke cigarettes her whole pregnancy and everything went fine. I did what I was told, didn't even take a Tylenol for a headache and had my daughter 4 months two early, she lived for eight days and passed away. Why was my sister granted a miracle and mine got taken from me. I've been tryin to get pregnant since I lost my daughter and nothing, and she got pregnant by mistake and doesn't know who the baby father is, she wasn't even supposed to be able to bare children, and now it seems like I will never get the chance again. I want to be happy.....but I'm jealous...i don't know what to do with my self anymore! I'm just sad! Really...really sad!