Long venting/rant sorry.... so husband and I have been TTC for 4 years. It's very stressful and depressing as a lot of women know on here. Recently my husband has been jacking off instead of being with me which yes does upset me for the simple fact that he does it when I'm literally in the next room perfectly capable to either have sex with him or give him a BJ. Last night I picked up his phone to look for something I bookmarked in his phone and was going to send it to myself. When I opened the Internet I saw porn everywhere in his history...I was instantly livid. I threw his phone he was in the shower I walked in the bathroom and said are you serious and he was confused I explained he then flipped out. Calling me a tramp, a sneaky bitch, dumb bitch, pathetic ass, and then telling me over and over to leave if I was upset. I was no longer upset about the porn, I was heartbroken at the names he called me and the way he looked at me...looked at me with pure hate. Not to mention when we got home he walked in and said "it smells like you need to clean this house!" Our puppy is sick and threw up is what he was smelling..our house was actually pretty spotless when he said that. I kept crying and crying because I was trying to convince me that his disrespectful ways will not change its just getting worse. An hour went by and I wasn't talking to him or looking at him as time went by he got sweeter made me come lay on the couch with him. When we went to bed I didn't even wanna touch him because I felt so hurt and couldn't stop crying. His phone started going off like crazy so he was on it said it was his buddy... it wasnt. It was his ex he was talking shit to about me...He kept saying sorry and asking why I was still crying I asked if he seriously didn't know why I was crying he said no... I laid in bed and cried until about 3am and then woke him up said I couldn't do this anymore and asked for a divorce...he looked shocked, he told me he didn't think his disrespectful ways were wrong. I flipped out got my stuff and left.

I'm so hurt sorry for how long this was...just needed to vent/rant is leaving the right thing? I feel so depressed.. I never told him to stop watching porn all I wanted was a reason of why he needs it, when I'm home and able to help.. I even asked if it was because of the stress of TTC he just yelled at me...I'm so broken up. Please tell me leaving him was smart...I'm don't wanna go back but I feel like I will because it do love him. He just is constantly rude and disrespectful to me for no reason..always yelling at me never physical violence just emotional and mental abuse. I'm not around him now and I just can't stop crying...

Where did this happiness go?