About to try again after first loss
Hi all, this is my first post but I need to write something. On January 23rd my husband and I had found out we were expecting our first child. We had only been married for a couple of weeks and about to move into our first home. We were approximately 4 weeks along at this point. A couple of weeks later, on February 11th (2 weeks before our first ultrasound), I went to the doctor because I had been having sharp pain the last couple of days. No bleeding, just pain. My doctor sent me to the emergency room in fear that something was wrong.
We spent hours in the ER waiting for doctors, getting multiple tests done. They eventually sent us to get an ultrasound because the HCG levels were all normal for how far along I was. During the ultrasound the technician wouldnt let us see the screen and didn't talk to us at all. After which we were sent to another waiting room until a doctor could talk to us.
What we had been fearing all day was finally a reality. They informed us that the pregnancy was ectopic or tubal. There was a fertilized egg but it had implanted inside of one of my Fallopian tubes instead of the uterus. They gave me a couple of shots of a drug because they thought it could dissolve the remains of the egg. A few days later, February 15th, I was still having pain and it had increased significantly since the shots the previous week. I went in for A follow up and they sent me back to ER. This time they gave us the option to do surgery to remove the egg and Fallopian tube or continue with the shots. We chose the surgery so that we could move forward.
When they went in to do the surgery, they found that my Fallopian tube had begun to rupture and I had been bleeding internally for the last 4 days at least. If we had not opted for the surgery, I would have had a very different fate. We were told that we needed to get weekly blood draws until my HCG levels returned to 0 and then we need to wait two cycles before we could conceive again. I am a couple of weeks away from starting my second cycle since hitting normal and am getting scared.
My husband and I want to start a family but I am also very scared to try again. We weren't trying the first time, just letting it happen when it was meant to happen. It has been 2 months since we first found out we had lost the baby and the closer we get to trying again, the more fear grows inside of me. I know I will have a rainbow baby and am just trying to find out what I could do to not make myself so scared. Any thoughts would be helpful. We are a young and newlywed couple and I don't want to feel anger or sadness as I watch many people around me announcing pregnancies or sharing the joys of their children being born while I didn't even have the chance to see or feel mine grow inside of me.
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