Dealing with infertility.....

Alison • Finally pregnant after 5-1/2 years and losing my mother on 11/1/18. I got pregnant the week she died and just before my husband got a vasectomy. I never thought it would happen for me. Life sure is crazy!
Dealing with infertility:
Is like a knife in my heart each and every month.
Is a wave of panic at random moments 
Waking up with no motivation
No purpose
An empty routine.
Is feeling completely out of control,
Broken,
Angry,
Jealous!
It is like drifting in the ocean with one broken paddle.
But, "there's nothing wrong with you".
It doesn't help.
It will happen when it's supposed to.
It doesn't help.
Just relax!
That just makes it worse!
I know someone who.....and they got pregnant...
Nope!
Dealing with infertility is like being lost in the dark woods with only a lighter.
Like no one understands.
Knowing that everyone means well but you still get angry.
Crying in baby aisles
Happy moments all kissed with a sadness and longing.
Not wanting to make others feel uncomfortable 
Truly being happy for friends and family
Secretly asking why it can't be me.
Bargaining with God and feeling like no one is listening.
Praying
Praying
Praying
Crying.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
That is what dealing with infertility feels like to me.
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