My SO and I have had faith that our time will come, but we had repeated misfortune so we have been feeling really down. We were obligated to goto my sisters hubbys birthday on April fools, so I tested the day before. The test came back negative. And I was extremely emotional. The day of the party I had cramps so I didn't want to go and get my period while I was there. I ended up going last minute.

At the party there were two girls from my past who I had a hard time with. When I seen them they brought back such an awful reminder of my pregnancy and my ex from half a decade ago. But they were trying to be friendly. The one was pregnant and held the other ladys girl. We had a good conversation, but I couldn't help but try to imagine how much bigger my daughter would be than hers. I have the baby blues. My sister in-law and the other girl kept trying to get me to take shots but I took a mix instead. I cannot handel alcohol at all, so I avoid it at all cost.

Then they got me talking about my experience with pregnancy and I broke down crying. Before going home I ended up taking 3 shots, and I had another mix drink. As soon as I got home and laid myself down for bed I started feeling sick, after a bit I got up went to the bathroom and got sick. The next day I woke up around 11 with a headache and fever so I chugged some water to help with the puking that I knew was coming. I puked until it was nothing but stomach acid, on and off all day. I was eventually able to eat a sandwich and passed out early.

I expected my period to come any moment, but it didn't. I waited a few days before testing and I got a faint positive! I seen my doctor today, and I am indeed pregnant again! She said that it is best I just don't think about the drinking I did that evening, and we will hope for all the best. But I am so dissapointed in myself. Where was my self control? I did something that is against everything I stand for. I know so many people with FAS, it breaks my heart. I can't even imagine this pregnancy will last, I have repeat blood work on HCG for a few days to see what's going on before I can get an ultrasound. This poor tiny baby.