I miscarried (please no negative comments)
Hello ladies I am so upset and sad right now because we miscarried yesterday. It was horrible and I literally have pain in my heart. My heart aches for my baby that I only knew for 8 weeks. I realize it wasn't long at all but I already had names, baby shower plans and maternity leave plans set. I have never been so heartbroken in my life. Sorry if I ramble on but it's my way of coping and letting go of some emotions. I wish this was a bad dream and I wake up feeling my baby kicking but unfortunately it's real and I can't change anything. My husband is torn as well and I feel like being around people but then I feel like being alone. I laugh a bit but then feel sad all over again. My husband and I are going to the beach for the weekend and we are releasing balloons and saying some words to our little baby we never got to hold. To all you others still expecting from the bottom of my heart I wish the very best and full term pregnancies and healthy babies! I was due in November so I know it was soon but that doesn't make it any less painful. In the words of Dr Suess "A persons and person no matter how small". Please excuse grammar and typos.
The following is for my baby....
Dear Jelly Bean,
My perfect perfect baby angel! Mommy has to let you go and move on but you will forever be in my heart. Thank you for making me the happiest I've ever been just by existing my sweetie. I never knew how happy I could be until I knew of your existence. You changed me in so many ways and made me a better person. I don't know how to express all the love I feel for you and felt the moment I knew you existed and the excitement I felt each day knowing how big you were getting. Mommy and daddy love you so much and hope you really know just how happy you made us even if the happiness only lasted a short while. I don't wish you never happened just wish you didn't have to leave. If I knew the outcome I would not wish you never came because that would mean wishing away the joy you brought us. I wish the outcome would have been what I hoped it would be. I say it once and I'll say it 10 billion times.... I LOVE YOU and always will my beautiful and perfect baby! I know you are in heaven and you are ok and perfectly happy next to grandpa and other loved ones. I will meet you one day my sweetie....until then THANK YOU for living in me and letting me be your mommy. Thank you for the joy you brought me and the time we shared my Jelly Bean. My first baby and the best "what if" ever. I love you precious baby angel. You are always in my heart.
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