Need to vent 😔

Okay ladies. My husband and I dated on & off for about four years. In July 2014 I had finally had enough and told him he needed to decide if he wanted to commit or not. We married October 5, 2014. And I am not kidding you when I say his whole attitude changed. We walked out of the church and he said, now that we are married I own you. It made me shake in my boots literally and I thought omg what did I just do? Well, things weren't super bad at first. We were getting used to living together & finding out what we liked and disliked about one another. In January 2015, he hit me for the first time while his father was at our house. Instead of his father making him leave as I was living in a place I had no family near me at the time they were all in Vegas watching my brothers fight, he just watched everything escalate. I of course tried to defend myself and that resulted in him throwing me down our stairs and kicking me in the ribs. I kicked him out. I finally allowed him to come back when he agreed to do marriage counseling. We had started going to church as well. In May 2015 we moved back to my town because he had gotten a new job. Things were going good. We decided to really start trying for a baby even tho we never actually protected ourselves I started using OPKS & everything. In July 2015, he had a break down because he thought something was wrong with him. I have a child to someone else. So I told him it will happen when it was meant too. We were genuinely happy. I thought my marriage was finally where it needed to be. Well, we went to a friends house and the smell of his beer was giving me a worse head ache than I already had, so I asked him if he could switch hands so it was further away from me. He decided to dump it on my head. I was humiliated. I picked the keys up and drove home bawling. I locked the door and showered. Instead of him waiting for a minute or calling me to tell me he was back he kicked in our door. And grabbed me by the arm and told me to never do that again. I had enough & had my parents move me out the very next day. Well, I moved back in August & he was a new guy. Happy and everything. I found out I was expecting in October. He was so excited. A few weeks in & the Dr told us it was a blighted ovum. One morning I upset him because I asked him to grab something from Walmart for me as I was really sick still even tho my pregnancy wasn't viable. He complained and got it though. When he came home he threw it at me and called me names. It resulted in him picking me up by the throat and slamming me to the ground. I called the police and had him arrested. I declined pressing charges since the job he has requires him to have no misdemeanors or felonies. I wasn't trying to ruin him just let him know that it wasn't okay. So, march of this year I finally started becoming close with him again but I had stipulations I only wanted to be friends if he could handle it & we were doing great. I hadn't fully moved back in or anything. I went over Thursday for a movie after I had worked 12 hours that night before. He demanded I suck his dick. I declined. So he pulled my hair and start telling me what a whore I was. And I got up and left crying. He got in his car and blocked mine in and I had to pull through the grass to get out. I feel like I have forgiven him enough and I know I had not handled every situation right but the verbal and physical abuse isn't going to change. I wanted so badly to spend forever with him. But he will never change. This time I'm not heart broken because I know my self worth and I know in my heart I gave it more than one hundred percent and he still failed me. Anyway, I just needed to talk about it to complete strangers because my friends don't understand what this abuse is like. Domestic violence & any type of abuse isn't okay. And having hi family continue to tell me I was horrible because I wouldn't take him back this time was the icing on the cake. They're super religious and believe I should take all that he dishes and I'm always at fault. But that's not love and I know I deserve better. I didn't talk to him for four months & when I finally allowed him to be a friend he couldn't even handle that because he needed that control over me and no longer had it.

Update*** I filed for divorce today! 😊😊😊😊