Getting closer and closer

20 months of trying. I feel like a failure every month. Every month I have to tell my husband I'm sorry for not being able to give him another baby. I go in Thursday for a pap, I have family history of cervical cancer and for the last 6 or 7 months it hurts to have sex sometimes to the point where I can't walk or sit. I told my Dr and she's upset with me for not calling sooner but I have this nagging gut feeling that something may be very wrong. One of my friends is pregnant and my husband gets so excited because he wants another baby we have a little girl that just turned 3 on the 18th. Little does my husband know that I cry every time he sees a pregnant women and says he can't wait. I cry every day I have been taking a break from the testing bbt and everything else for 2 months. I just feel like maybe I don't deserve another miracle.