I don't even know if addiction is the right word to use here, but I've been going through some weird shit in my head. Very weird. I think for about 6/7 months now, I've been fantasizing my fiancé having sex with another woman while I sit and watch. I know how it sounds, and trust me I hate the idea, but at the same time it turns me on way too much to ignore. Every single time I masturabte, I'll go to porn look up a pretty girl and picture him with her. It makes me cum like crazy. But afterwards when I'm finished I feel bad and dirty. I don't want to share my man, I am a jealous girl even when it comes to silly things. I want it to stop, I want these thoughts to stop because I love him and I couldn't stand the idea of sharing him. But every time I'm bored and alone I masturbate to him screwing another girl while I watch. Sometimes I cry when I'm finished because the thoughts turn me on but it also hurt me so much. I can't stand this anymore. One time right when I started having these dirty thoughts I was so horny I asked him if he would like the idea of having sex with another girl while I watch. He said no, and that I'm the only one who turns him on. I thought he was just afraid I would be mad if he said yes so I kept insisting and gave him my word I wouldn't be upset and that it would turn me on and he said he wants to make me happy but he can't do that. So I asked about a 3some and he said the same thing, he said he only wants me and him in bed. He said it hurt him that I suggested that because it seems like I don't care about him since I want him to screw another girl. He said he felt like an object or something and was wondering if I really had feelings for him because if I did how would I suggest such a thing. Well I apologized and we never spoke of that again. Some fights we had later on where I was jealous of something he would mention it like "it's funny that you suggested such an absurd thing and now you're jealous over a silly thing" but that was it. Anyway the point here is that I want the thoughts to stop. I hate them they make me feel disgusted at myself. I don't know what to do.