Let me first say they we have been married for 10 years this month and have 3 beautiful children 2 girls and a boy . So naturally we thought having a 4th wouldn't take much effort at all . So March 2013 I missed my period and find out om pregnant . Unlike my other pregnancy this one is completely different ,from the beginning I feel like something is wrong inside . First obgyn appointment my doc does a scan and sees that the sac isn't normal . I go to the high risk center and they see me one a week intell I'm 10 weeks where they confirm that the baby has a large amount of fluid built up in her chest as well as tell me the baby's a girl.

I come back for week 11 scan and she's getting worse doc convinces me to have a CVS test done . Week 12 I come in for the CVS test and I tell you having a 8 inch needle put in your belly hurts like hell . The next day I feel so tired I slept most of the day . 12 weeks 6 days and I wake up with the feeling my baby has died , I went in for a scan and they didn't see a heart beat . My heart dropped as I looked for her to move here legs or arms any sign of life . But nothing happened . I went in 2 days later to be induced to have my baby alone terrified and so depressed that all I could do was cry .

In July 2013 I thought I didn't want to have any more children and had Essure coils put in . After 3 months of excruciating pain I had the coils removed October 2013. In November and my husband said he wanted to try for another baby . We talked about it and I went back and forth with him for a few months about it . I'm still afraid of another still birth . But I never got back on any birth control after having the coils removed . January 2014 I finally decided to try for another baby . Well ever sense then I have tracked my period and for the most part there pretty normal running 24-28 days long . My last obgyn said I seem to be healthy and I probably have unexplained infertility. My baby is now 5 and all he says is he wants a brother all the time , I can not tell you how bad he crys for a brother . It makes me so sad that I can't just give him one . I try to take my mind off TTC ,I've thought about going to school ,join the Army, I've lost 80lbs sense the birth of my son . I just feel so empty ,I have so many friends that are always pregnant and I want to be excited for them honestly but I can't . I feel like this is my punishment for have coils put in that I damaged my body and now I'll never have any more babies .

Sorry it's so long ,I had to let it out I don't really have anyone to talk to this about .