I thought I was ok...
I thought I was fine. I was handling it really well. It's been over two weeks since the miscarriage. And, it hurt physically a lot. But...even though it was sad...it didn't hurt as much emotionally as I thought.
I thought "ok. I'm doing ok. I've healed physically." And I started pushing myself to move forward. Clean the house. Do all the things you couldn't while you were pregnant.
But then I stopped sleeping at night.
Then I couldn't function during the day. Even if I DIDNT sleep during the day, I couldn't sleep at night. But all I wanted was to sleep. All the time. And never move.
My husband and I started having sex again. By there wasn't joy in it. It was all about "let's make another baby" for me. I didn't WANT HIM. I wanted a baby.
And tonight as the all too familiar emotion of depression crept in around me, and I got in the bathtub, my safe haven, for the fifth time today...I started feeling guilty. Because I wanted to REPLACE my baby. Like the last was just a hiccup. It was just a road bump.
"Oh that one didn't take, let's just have another" felt so...
I started looking for therapy aps. Because I didn't want to slip into some sort of depression.
I'm not sure what I need.
But I thought I was ok. Then suddenly, I wasn't ok at all.
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