Just having miscarried my emotions are all over the place and not under the best of control. Some of it I'm sure is my body reacting to the loss and trying to fix itself including hormones, the rest is trying to handle going from being extremely happy and expecting a new addition to our family of three to having to explain to a four year old why he isn't going to be a big brother yet and having to deal with my own feelings of loss for a baby we've tried so hard for along with making sure my husband is also doing okay at this time. Now my mom starts her crap of wanting to take my son for the summer, normally I'd humor her and say yeah you can have him for a week or two or come for a visit for a little he'd like that, but right now? I just lost a pregnancy and told her loud and clear I don't want my son going anywhere. So you'd think she'd understand I'm not in the mood for feeling like I've lost a second kid (I know I wouldn't be losing him but right now it feels like if he's not where I can easily get to him he's gone too. rational? Probably not, but I'm not very rational right now.) She can't seem to be nurturing and understanding or even helpful, ever. She's had a miscarriage way back when she was having kids so you'd think she'd remember what it's like and how much everything hurts. Right now I'm just done with her. It's not even her I want for comfort it's my dad and he's doing his very best to drop everything and get out here to me, he's even taking his saved time at for to come out and be with me (it's only a week but I know it will help a lot). My dad has even said he doesn't know what to do or say to help make things better but he's doing what he can even if it's just letting me cry on the phone. I don't get how my mom doesn't even seem to understand that much. Now my mother-in-law, who live roughly an hour away from us, is also kind of like my mom. More willing to help if I need it but still not very understanding. Today I just really wanted to smack the crap out of her and she's one of the sweetest ladies I know, but if you don't know what to say or do just shut the hell up and listen. I don't think she's ever miscarried so she doesn't know what it's like and the only thing she does know is the hormone levels being out of whack, but she still only assumes that really. Today she makes a comment about what my Dr is doing to help with how I'm feeling. Am I not allowed to grieve or something? Yes there's hormones but I loss what was my baby. She may not of developed very far but I was two weeks away from my second trimester when we found out. We had already picked names and were starting to think of nursery themes while already pulling out some baby things we saved from when our son was a baby. The way she said things though was like 'well you don't really have a read on to be this user's. I know she doesn't understand but I'd rather deal with my father-in-law then with her at least he seems to be on the same page as even my own dad. My husband even has his moments but he's at least starting to catch on and has thankfully stopped asking 'what's wrong with you'. (There's times the cat is more helpful than my husband.) Still there are times when it's even hard to be around my son because there's an irrational fear that if I look away he won't be there or if I'm just in a fouls mood I'll say the wrong thing and end up hurting him when he doesn't even understand what's going on. It's been a week and I still haven't figured out a way to explain it to him. Tuesday was a god awful day, yesterday was an okay day, and today I was mostly numb and pissed. I've no idea what tomorrow will be, hopefully okay at the least. I fear when I start saying 'fine' because I know that won't be the truth. Thank you for letting my vent and ramble because it does help a little even if I'm not ready to do it vocally yet.