Where to begin? Gave up my career as a chef in Chicago (as did my husband) to move into his parent's home in Michigan to help take care of my terminally I'll mother in law. We got pregnant after she was diagnosed with the worst type of brain tumor that exists and then we moved into their home. Before she passed, we were all busy taking care of her but afterwards, the stress/subconscious resentment/living in someone else's home really started to take it's toll. Every time we would interact with his father it would turn into a confrontation or fight. His dad is inherently racist (uses the word oriental to describe Asian people, as a Korean American I can tell you that this is not socially appropriate but he argues that is what we like being called. He is also really sexist and openly kind of a pervert. Needless to say, by the time my third trimester rolled around, after losing my mother in law, hubby and I had enough and packed some clothes and the dogs in the car and left for what would turn into a two month long road trip trying to find housing, maternity care and jobs. We ended up finally in the Pacific Northwest and couldn't be happier with all the space we put between us. I went into labor a week early (6 days ago) but something happened with the cord and the way his head was engaged so when we went to the birth center in active labor and they checked his heart rate, it kept dropping down dangerously low to 60bpm. After about three minutes of that, my midwives called 911 and I was wheeled off into an ambulance and taken to the big University hospital here. In seven minutes flat (record time for the hospital), i got an epidural and emergency c section. Bye birth plan for gentle natural water birth, hello birth trauma. The longer I have to process it the more traumatic it feels. Hubby wasn't even in the OR with me until after they pulled baby Jules from my uterus, it all happened so fast he as still finding parking at that point! The anesthesiologist had to hold my hand while I felt all the sensations associated with the c section (pressure and pulling and tugging and the smell of my own flesh being cauterized, the sound of my blood being suctioned, the sound of metal tools being used inside of my body). I am lucky I didn't have to be put under general anesthesia and for that I will be forever thankful. We were so lucky, the surgeons acted so fast that there was no brain damage due to oxygen deprivation and after I felt them pull him out of me, he started crying right away. Scored a 7 on his Apgar, weighed 5lbs 15ozs and was 20 inches long. The most beautiful human I've ever laid eyes on. I demanded skin to skin as soon as I heard him cry and the anesthesiologist had to literally cut the dress i was wearing off of me (no time to change into a gown or get sterilized before the surgery) but I got to hold him when hubby finally got to the OR while they were sewing me up. So traumatic birth aside (yes I am glad he is healthy but birth trauma has given me night terrors every night since coming home, having a pretty hard time processing everything). Back to FIL...I've been home for four days now, in a lot of post op pain and understandably hormonal and emotional. Father in law didn't ask when it would be best to fly out and visit, but booked a flight that he thinks is for next Sunday but my husband thinks his dad messed up his own itinerary and is actually coming today...except the man never answers his phone and hubby can't get a hold of him. So I'm here having an anxiety attack about having to be around this man I despise while in such shitty shape and I don't even know when to expect him? And he's staying for a whole week (luckily we live in a studio apt so not with us) but we have a feeling he's just gonna wanna hang out in our apartment with us for hours at a time and every molecule in my body is screaming no. I am breastfeeding as well and with some of the comments I've heard him make about women, really not comfortable doing so around him. I don't know how to handle this! Sorry for the novella, any advice is welcome!