Feeling positive and negative

I'm feeling positive about myself for doing what I'm doing because I was testing everyday and now I have stopped I'm so proud of myself for not doing it recently because I was getting bfn and just dealing with it I'm felling negative about my self because I was kinda hoping to be pregnant and I'm not I'm not happy and I'm sad about it I also feel like a monster about it because my sister is having a baby and every one else on my Facebook are having there's and there so cute and I just want another so bad ☹😢