Ladies I need thoughts and advice!!!

I dated a guy my junior year of high school when he was a senior. When he graduated, he joined the Army and I stuck by his side to watch him graduate basic training and AIT. When he came home that Christmas, we took eachother's virginities and then he left home again for more AIT. My grandfather died that Febuary and I was crushed. Then two weeks later, he broke up with me and ignored me for months. I was a mess. Then I went to college, had a lot of distractions. We started talking again the second semester of my freshman year and then dated for two more months, until I broke up with him because he wasn't putting in effort like I was. I mean in a long distance relationship, it's really not difficult to put in the simple effort of conversation. So then we didn't really talk much after that, but before he deployed he called me to tie up loose ends and told me that we couldn't be friends or acquaintances. Then ended the phone call saying that maybe when he's settled we can be something. I'm just very confused and need advice and thoughts. He comes home in 4 months and I'm already a hot mess. Is it normal to be hung up on someone for 3 1/2 years?  Help!  
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