Break up issues...
Long... Please read, desperate for outside advice 😔
My (ex)boyfriend and I have dated twice, we dated for 8 months my freshman (his sophmore) year of hs, broke up, got back together after a few months... Fast forward to almost 5 years later (last tuesday may 31, 2 weeks before my bday) and we broke up, again. 😔😢 First time we were arguing too much and getting to know each other during the relationship and it wasn't healthy... This time... Okay I play hit him a few times, each time he told me he didn't like it but I would try to make it to where it was something he could take as a joke... Should I have done it after the first time? No, but NEVER was it my intention to hurt him and he knows it. I've done that with people all my life. So it happened 3 times, 3rd on his bday, which was 2 months ago... Everything was fine until last weekend when we started arguing about why he all of a sudden didn't want me coming to watch him play dodgeball (about how it isn't realistic, etc.) Then he tells me that tbh he hasn't forgotten about when I hit him... Making me sound like an abuser... Then things start to seem like they're going to be fine and then he shows up at my doorstep, when we still planned on having plans... And breaks up with me... (all happened within a 2 day time span) He's never been good with showing emotion or talking about his feelings, each time he would tell me he didn't like me doing that but if it was really bothering him THAT much, for 2 straight months, why wouldn't you sit and talk to me about that?
The first time we broke up, I was very depressed... Cut myself basically head to toe, lost quite a bit of blood... When he came that morning to break up with me, I told him to get it off my chest so I wouldn't have to feel like I still had something to tell him, and you could tell he was shocked... I have a history of doing that once before in ms (that he knows of)... Was that wrong? Did that ruin any chances of getting back together? Is this something really worth breaking up over "play-hitting" (which is what it was)? There has to be another reason... right?
I love him so much, I want to help him and be there for him if this is the only reason and he just needs help...
Everyone has told me that it's a BS reason to break up an almost 5 year relationship over play-hitting, that it can't be the only reason, but most don't know about the self harm incident I shared...  Also that I should be pissed... But I love him and I want to be there for him... 😔 help me...
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