Sorry, I just need a place to vent, and could use some support....

My husband and I have been TTC for 4 and a half years now. It has been difficult for me because I have always wanted to be a mother more than anything. I have gone through quite a few emotional downward spirals in the past 4 years.

I have PCOS and so does my sister, which we both discovered in the years that we have been TTC. It is something that we have been going through together, and it has been nice to have someone close to that truly undertand what I'm going through. But a few months ago she announced that she is pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for her! And it gives me hope for myself as well, but it has also been really hard for me emotionally. I have been super supportive for her and I have been there for her while she talks to me about how excited she is and what names they are thinking about and weather it's a boy or a girl. But deep down I just want to run out of the room and cry, but I don't want her to know how hard it is for me. I just helped her plan her gender reveal party last weekend and we found out she is having a girl. Which has made it even harder for me because I want a girl so badly (of course I would love a boy as well). I guess I just feel really jelouse, which makes me feel even worse, because I should just be happy for her and not be so selfish.

She asked me to plan her baby shower, and I told her I would, but now I feel like the emotional stress of planning her shower might be to much for me (i will also be moving right around the time she wants her shower, and I work 2 jobs).

Should I just sick it up and go through with planning it? Or should I tell her I can't do it? I don't want to disappoint her.