Jealous and horrible... 😡👊🏼😭💔

I suffered an ectopic pregnancy at beginning of April after 3 years trying I've just got to the end of the pregnancy and had my first bleed last week and I thought id dealt with it really well BUT I'm so mean to everyone who finds out there pregnant or has a baby under 1 (it could be friends family or strangers) I rant in my head think why can they have one perfectly fine and I can't they don't deserve them or will love and look after them as good as me (obviously none is true) but I can't help myself I'm so angry and insulting (to myself in my head not them) that there pregnant... I have 2 boys 6 & 7 but I really want a baby I want to be pregnant and have scans and feel kicks and give birth to meet them and buy all the thing s :(:(:( why can't I be happy for them...????