Still a mama after a miscarriage?

Question

So I was at the store shopping with my mom earlier today and I asked "What do you think I should get Trav (my boyfriend) for Father's day?" She looked at me and responded "Why? He's not a father."
We miscarried our first at almost 11 weeks a little over 2 months ago. That was the most hurtful thing I have ever heard from her on this subject. I told her that we were, indeed, still parents, our baby just wasn't here anymore. I must have looked very hurt because she said she didn't mean to step on my toes, but that we apparently differed in opinions on that. She's never had a miscarriage but she states that she wouldn't feel any differently on the subject even if she had. What do you guys think? Are you still parents even after a miscarriage?

Answer

Since my first miscarriage (i have had 2) I have noticed that there are alot of people who feel this way. I do not agree with it. Just because we do not have our baby(ies) does not mean we are not mother's and father's.

Answer

On mother's day we were at my sister's house (she had a baby daughter last year). We handed out presents and my mom got me some towels for our new apartment (just moved in). Just as she was handing them over she said "you're not a mother but i got you this". I was so hurt and shocked i said nothing. My sister wasnt in the room and when i told her she was so shocked my mom was so rude. It's a hurtful and inconsiderate thing to say. We are mothers, i just dont feel like celebrating in my circumstances. I know when we get our rainbows motherhood will have a much deeper meaning, but i also believe that our pregnancies and our losses are definitely part of our journey to motherhood and will certainly influence the kind of mothers we'll be.

Answer

Yes! 😕 I think we're still mothers.

Answer

I don't feel like a mom :( lost my twins at 18w (5.2 weeks ago)...

I am getting my husband a "I love you" gift on Sunday.. Just to let him know I love him and appreciate him.

Answer

I did feel like a mum at first but now I don't, I wish I still did 😿 but if anyone tried to tell me I'm not a mum I would be furious, I have a complicated relationship with my first pregnancy as I was so young and stupid, but the baby I lost last week meant so much and I loved it so much. Maybe I'll get back to feeling like a mum but right now I'm kind of in limbo, I'm not childless but I'm not a mother. I think if I did refer to myself as a mother I would do it only between me and my husband because I fear what other people would say. I haven't even told my mother I bought a token of rememberance because she'd rather me let go but those who havent been through it will never understand. That said, we shouldn't feel worried to embrace our emotions and our stories. I told a friend I didn't know whether to tell my colleagues about it, they talk about babies all the time and their comments were difficult to listen to when I knew I would most likely miscarry. My friend was shocked and couldn't believe I wanted to be open about it but for me it's part of accepting it. I got off topic...

Answer

You are definitely still a mother. Someone that hasn't been through it can't possibly know anything about it. They think they would act a certain way and that feeling the way we do is wrong, but until they've experienced it, they'll never know. That being said, make sure your boyfriend feels the same as you do. I think my husband would feel worse if I did something like that so close after the loss.  I'm sorry for your loss and hope you get your rainbow baby soon.

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I absolutely believe me and my husband are still parents after out mcs and stillbirth

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We're are parents to Angel babies

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Yes! Yes, yes, yes! How awful not to get to count angel babies! They were still loved and wanted. They still count.

Answer

When I had my 1st mc a friend of ours had hers the week before me. I was able to get pregnant shortly after but she had to wait a year :( I sent her this poem on Mother's Day. I think I was one of the only people who acknowledged it being Mother's Day for her...

Still a mama after a miscarriage?

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