TTC and mixed emotions...

I dont want to write a novel... But I lost my nephew almost 2 mths ago to SIDS. He was a perfect and healthy 7mth 2 week old boy and I loved him to pieces.. As you would imagine my entire family is devastated over this and we are all broken... My husband and I are ready for a baby of our own and we are currently TTC but I have so many mixed emotions about it. I dont want to hurt my sister and I feel it would be difficult for her to see me pregnant... And then when the baby comes.. i dont know. Currently When I see other babies with their parents I even get a little upset, not proud of it but I wonder why did this have to happen to us? At the same time I feel if we were to get pregnant it wouldbring  some joy to my family at a time of such saddness and despair. Not thinking straight these days... Its hard to with a broken heart.💔