Eating disorders

This is just to vent. My boyfriend has an eating disorder. The first year we dated it was so hard to deal with because I was in way over my head and I had no idea what to do. Well I still don't. All I know I can do is just to be there to support him. But it's been so hard. Food is his enemy and food is my comfort. I love pizza and he loves salads. Everytime I make a decision to eat something unhealthy I feel judged and it weighs on my shoulders. When we go out to a big dinner or a party I worry whether or not he's going to have a breakdown later. I'm one of 4 people who know about this other than his therapists. So it's near impossible to talk about how I feel about all this and sometimes I get overwhelmed. And I feel bad talking about this to him because he feels awful about putting me through this. And I can't afford to make him feel any worse. But in the past months he's shown so much more improvement. He's been getting healthier in mind and body and I've seen so much improvement and I am so proud of him. But it is still so hard. And I don't put my feelings out there because I feel selfish and guilty and childish. But I have to or eventually it's going to crush me.