HELP! Marriage, Abuse, Counselling....
Long, long post.....My husband and I have been married for almost 10 months and since we got married he has changed and his temper (unlike ever before) has flared up and he has become more verbally and physically abusive. A lot has happened since our wedding: he has stopped talking to his family since they gave us both a hard time leading upto and on our wedding day; he has changed jobs and is extremely stressed from work and has been working long hours everyday; he hasn't really been in touch with many friends and has grown distant from them since there have been issues between them (due to his brothers who he isn't talking to); financial issues driving stress on us because we want to pay off the balance of debt; and now I just found out i have PCOS and it might take me long to get Prego when I try. We are both in our 30s, been together 5.5 years before getting married, now over 6 years together. I love him and deeply want this to work. And I'm very certain he does too as before we were married we agreed divorce was never an option and he still loves me extremely and shows it on our good days. However we have issues and he has some serious anger problems (being highly sensitive and tends to blame me for everything) and we have resentment towards each other from a build up of all these issues (him more than I).
I know there is never any excuse to abuse your spouse in anyway! But it happened. And we both regret it. He has physically hit me on 4 occasions in the span of 1 year and never before that in our 6 years together. We both agreed the last time it happened, that if it happened again, it would be the last time. His temper has gotten worse over the last 10 months and I'm sure that is driven by his lack of contentment in life (family, friends and work issues). He is wonderful otherwise and I do want to make our marriage work and turn a new leaf with him so we can work on our marriage.
The fight:
Monday I got test results that I have PCOS, and was extremely upset because I wanted to start Trying to conceive and now this would rather make it impossible or extremely difficult. But he had a rough day and really wasn't the shoulder to lean on when I was down. He came home and I was upsets b/c of the PCOS thing and got mad at him because he wasn't being supportive of how this could impact us.
Tuesday: he came home, exhausted, down with a cold, and stressed from work. He went straight to bed and said nothing to me when he came home. So I went to the bedroom and told him we had to talk about this and he is being insensitive and I complained that he isn't trying to compfort me when I'm upset over PCOS. We started arguing, he lost his cool instantly and honestly I felt like it was not him and was someone else that took over him, I could tell all his built up frustrations came all at once and led to him physically abusing me and I know that I did provoke because he was in bed and wanted to be left alone. So he was screaming at me, grabbed me, hit me and it just turned ugly because I was yelling back and he broke some things, so I said mean things to him too and he kept shouting and grabbing me and hitting me/choking me, pulling my hair. Anyway I've been in pain all week and we have not spoken since( still living at our house together but sleeping separatley). Honestly I know something came over him and especially since he has a temper he fully lost control of his actions. As I said earlier he is still a good person otherwise and I know he did not want to do this to me but lost control and I provoked him because I know he doesn't like it when I bug him after an argument when he has gone to bed. He needs his space because he is easily angered and if I don't leave him alone this is what happens.
Anyway, I really really want to make our marriage right or at least try before deciding to part ways officially. I want to ask him to go to marriage councilling with me if he stills wants to be together. But I'm afraid that if we can ever move past this and make sure it doesn't happen again. Will councilling help us? I know most of you would say leave him, but it's not in me to just walk away. I need some sound advice on how to handle this to resolve it NOT just walk away. I know staying with him could put me at further risk and it may sound dumb to you but if I can bear with it so far, I can't see how much worse it could get but I do see it could also get so much better if we can resolve what is causing him to treat me this way.
Anyone experience this or know someone that has, any advice? How to deal with this?
Please no mean comments.
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