I'm so broken *trigger alert*

My life had very little sunshine or rainbows. Every time I get even a glimmer of any of it a tornado comes in and blows them away. I have been sexually abused since I was 7 by various family members and raped by someone I thought was my friend when I was my friend when I was 17 and fell pregnant. He knew what I had been through, he knew that I my great uncle had knocked me up before and I lost the baby but that didn't stop him. I aborted the baby even though my long term boyfriend was willing to claim it as his own. I was diagnosed with PTSD  from all the abuse and my biological mothers multiple attempts on my life. My long term boyfriend and I fell apart after I had a stillborn just a few months ago but it was all building before that anyway. He didn't know how to handle my panic attacks and just got mad at me and started yelling about not being that person. He even went as far as to hit me once. I broke it off with him but we still talk and what not. Then there is this other guy that I instantly connected with when I first met him a while back that I talked to and even had sex with. He knew how to handle my panic attacks, he talked me through it and made it impossible for me to feel anything other than safe and relieved to be with him. We talked every day until one day I slipped and told him I missed him then he cut off all communication. (He lives about a hundred miles away) I knew he was stressed about stuff. Did I just make it to real for him? I thought he might have been the one. It's gonna sound cliche but he made me feel things I didn't know I could feel. And now I think I might be pregnant but it could just be my head messing with me. I can't go near anything remotely babyish with out my chest getting tight and my period is over a week late. Our sex was unprotected so it could be possible. He still opens my messages but doesn't respond. I don't know what to do anymore. I pretend I'm ok at work but that couldn't be further from the truth.