Post partum depression

I always dream of being a Mom, the day I find out, how my husband will react and how happy we where gonna be. My dream became a nightmare. I had a miscarriage 2 1/2 years ago. It was very little understood because i wasn't to far long everyone was like it was nothing, and how good I didn't lost the baby with more time or after birth. Like it did not count. I cried the whole month i bleed. So when my pregnancy test came back positive this time around I was so scared thinking i was gonna loose this baby and to make things worse my husband of 9 years dicided that we should separate and of course having a baby would be bad at that moment. I went back to my fammily who supported me and love they where so great but i still spent my whole pregnancy crying, angry and confused. What did I did wrong and how bad did I messed up things for my child. Everybody who did not know kept asking how happy was he to be dad so i had to fake it and smile and sell it like it was all great. My sons birth was bittersweet the nurses were bullies , i was left in bed alone for hours until it was time to push. After i held him nothing else matter he was perfect and I love him. But after the first week i was back at being angry, sad , cant eat, cant sleep, my baby doesn't love me he knows i am broken. My baby won't latch, wont sleep , cries all the time. And the pediatrician tell me he has acid reflux. I have fail my child is sick, i have no patience, i find myself hurting me because i am afraid ill get mad and hurt my little baby. My mom tells me don't let anybody see you like this. I feel ashamed, embarrassed like in the worst person why can't I enjoy my baby, why can't I do anything right, i am no good. Will i ever be good enough for my son? Will i ever be happy again?

*sorry its so long. Just need it to get out of my chest.