Why??????

Why did I gain 50 lbs? Why can't I walk for 30 seconds without gasping? Why can't I sleep for more than 20 min at a time? Why does my heart race as if I'm gonna die? Why can't I not go to the restroom every 10 min? Why do my ankles, heels, hips and butt ache so much? Why do my knees feel as if they will be useless soon? Why can't I eat? Why don't I look myself anymore? Why? Why? Why? When will I feel this is all worth it? Why is it taking forever????????? 😣😫😢😭😠💔