Being hopeful at 36

I'm 36 and hopefully if it's gods will, I will have this one we always wanted a lot of Childern but with 2 sons 18 yo and 9yo and 9 miscarriages we haven't been successful but we have faith. This one feels a lot different. My body is exhausted and I'm up for nothing not even a walk to the mailbox. I hope that's a good sign this child can have everything I can give as long as she or he lives. My husband is more excited than me I really have no joy yet. Does that make me bad? I refuse to tell anyone. I don't want to go through the questioning of why did you lose this one or the suggestion of its time you should give up there's no hope. We just want one more to share everything we have to offer an endless amount of love and 4 dogs and a cat.