My Boyfriend's Parents

So... To say the least, my bf's parents are more than a little unreasonable. I really am posting this to get some advice/opinions as to what I should do. 
For one, they track him via tracking app on his phone. Keep in mind that he is 22. I really dislike this, and so does he. They don't track him because they have trust issues, they do it because they want to "keep tabs" on him at all times. The few times he has confronted his parents about this, his mom has thrown a fit. 
Secondly, back in December, I read a message on my bf's phone from his mother that said "You know Wednesdays are my hardest days. I'm going to need some cuddle time when you get home." This really bothered me for some time, and I finally confronted him about it not too long ago. I told him that I did not like him cuddling with his mom, and that I thought it was not appropriate or normal. He said it really wasn't cuddling and was just a poor choice of words on her part. But still... It irks me. 
Lastly, his parents make spur of the moment plans with him, and expect him to do whatever they want. Often times, I get ditched and left out. For instance, a few months ago, I invited my bf's out to dinner, just me and him. He said yes and that he couldn't wait to go. After work, I rushed home and changed, and texted him to see if he was ready. His reply was that he couldn't go out because his mother had cooked him dinner and he didn't want to hurt her feelings. I was really upset about this for a long time. 
Am I just overreacting about these things? Or do I have a reason to feel upset? My boyfriend seems to be making no progress in being treated like an adult so I thought I'd see what you all thought. 
P.S. If it helps, we have been together  for about 3 years. I'm 20 and he is 22.
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COMMENT (5)

Ja

Posted at
You've been together for 3 years. His parents can not control his life like that and if he lets it, it will always be that way. I know you love him, but if he can't stand up for himself, then what kind of life would that be? I'm couldn't handle my boyfriend being like that. I'm 24 about to be 25 and he's 20 about to be 21, and we live together. Hell, we're moving to Florida together soon. I couldn't imagine not having the adult relationship we do. :/ I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, dear. But honestly, you don't have to settle for it. 

Ja

Posted at
This would piss me off. And the fact that he goes along with it is a little ridiculous. I personally would dump him - while his parents are causing the issue, the fact that he allows it shows that he isn't grown up, and it will probably continue happening. But this is coming from a girl who has broken up with 4 different guys because they were too immature lol 

AJ

Posted at
Curious of what would happen if he was given an ultimatum? Sounds like he lives with his parents, so maybe he could move out and that could help the situation? Or even he has to choose you or them? Because its like he can choose to move forward/future/independence basically chooses you, or chooses to be stuck and live with his parents.

Je

Posted at
This sounds like extreme codependency and that's not healthy - for anyone. I think you and him need to have a long serious talk about healthy boundaries with his parents. They will never stop babying and trying to control him as long as he doesn't set boundaries. Maybe even get a councilor involved if you can afford it, so that way he'll have an objective opinion and advice along with a 100% confidential space to hash out his obviously conflicted feelings on the situation.

Je

Jessica • Jul 1, 2016
btw, I highly do not recommend giving him an ultimatum in this situation. Family issues are complicated and I strongly believe codependency usually comes along with manipulation on the parents side, so he likely feels guilty or obligated to them.