My boyfriend(22) and I(20) have been together for one and a half (or 2 years if you count the non-official period) and I really like him, he has a steady job and income, loves me to bits, is well groomed, funny and friendly.

But his messy apartment is a giant minus. He lives together with his room mate and a rly cute dog but they leave trash just lying around on the counter of the kitchen, used cutlery and plates to the point of where they begin to get moldy even though they have a trash bin (which is usually full) and a dishwasher! They just don't un/load it. Same thing with the washing machine and used clothes. They just don't bother, often for weeks so the clothes and towels pile up next to the washing machine, they don't hang up the clothes to dry neither do they put dry clothes where they belong. Then there's a lot of dust on the floor and in the corners. The bedsheets often go unchanged for weeks and the toilet and bathtub are dirty and I overall just do not find this acceptible.

I already refuse to sleep/come visit at his place when his apartment is like this but when i try to speak to him about cleaning it he just gets really annoyed because he doesn't like cleaning, even more so when i try to clean stuff up because he doesn't want me to be his maid. But I would really love to be in a decently clean apartment with him where there's no leftovers getting moldy or packages lying around for weeks.

It also means I have to announce several days before when i want to come visit him and I just don't think this can work longterm.

I get that he is exhausted when he comes home from work and that he wants to relax at the weekends. But that can't mean not keeping his apartment clean. I'm really grossed out when I go there on short notice.

And no I will not dump his ass. Inviting him to my place is an option, but everytime I do that, I need to give my mom money so that she'll be out because she can say very mean things to me and him and I don't want this level of stress.