After getting a whole of strong positives, my beta count confirms the bleeding is indeed a miscarriage. This hurts so bad I can't even talk to my husband right now. These are some words I put together, I hope it helps some of you ladies going through his.

I'm sorry we had to say goodbye before we got to say hello.

Im sorry my body didn't hold you safely like it should have,

Like I would have held you with my own arms.

From the very first time I saw that pink line appear like magic, I loved you.

I thought of names to name you,

I thought of the kind of crib I'd buy for you.

I made a note to ask your daddy for a white rocking chair, picturing peaceful mornings with sunlight in your face, rocking you gently while you slept.

I also imagined the sleepless nights and your endless wails and promising you that even then I'd love you with all my heart.

I will never know if you were a little pretty princess or a rambunctious little boy.

Ill admit I was more prepared for a little girl, boy names are hard to pick :)

The instant I knew your essence was running through my body, the perfect mix of your daddy and I,

I pictured how life would change when we brought you home, little bundle of joy swaddled tight.

I cannot explain the grief I feel now, watching and feeling your life pour out of me.

Bright red ribbons of you and my dreams of you, agonizingly slow.

I fell in love with you before I saw even one picture of you.

I'm sorry I'll never get to see you and kiss you and give you all this love that was already set aside just for you.

I don't know what I'll do with it.

I've been told I shouldn't have let my emotions run wild so soon,

But I couldn't help it.

There you were, a little bean, entangled roots of your daddy and me, and I saw you growing out of that little bundle of us, safe within me.

I guess I must say goodbye to you now little one,

That little pink line that made you real now reminds me that every day you fade further away from me.

I don't know where you go from here but I'll always keep you in my heart,

My little one that wasn't.