Fairness to the kids? Breastfeeding.

Question

So I had a discussion with my friend yesterday who was offering to give me some formula for newborns (if I decided to not breastfeed).

Well, I'd personally like to breastfeed and pump for the bonding experience; but she then mentioned something about a friend of hers.

Now...back story with my friend's friend. (we'll call her 'Mystic' and her friend 'Allie')

Allie had an experience when she was pregnant with her first where another woman started to try to 'take over'her child at an extremely young age in day care. Totally inappropriate things like pumping breast milk and feeding Allie's daughter that, calling her a different name, even doing skin to skin contact to confuse the little one.

Allie *literally* got away from that situation in the nick of time, the day this other woman planned on taking her little girl away.

In this situation as well, Allie dried up and was personally unable to breastfeed or even pump for her first child. So this experience really left her scarred.

Now though, she is pregnant with her second, a little boy and is thinking of not breastfeeding just because she doesn't want her first child to be jealous and to be 'fair'.

Personally...I don't understand this logic, especially if she is able this time around to feed her second child herself...why would she even (forgive the word choice) deprive her second child if she is capable if doing it this time?

I don't like the idea of the waste or resources and bonding time that could come from this...but maybe I just need some opinions about why this could be a good thing or otherwise.

What do you ladies think??

Answer

I think it is a babies right to breastfeed and every mother needs to give it their best shot. Not breastfeeding her first isn't an excuse.

Answer

Kids aren't going to care. I had to pump with my son(NICU baby and latch issues) and eventually do formula because I pumped myself dry. When I had my daughter, she got to do breast to mouth feeding. As long as you are helping your baby thrive by getting the baby fed when need be, there should not be an issue.

Answer

But her daughter still got breastmilk from psycho lady right? So in reality she'd be depriving her son of the experience her daughter had (even if it was with someone else.) it's not like wetnursing is unheard of.

It sounds like your friends friend may need some therapy to come to terms with what happened if it's still effecting her this badly that she's making a decision to nurture her child solely based on the experience.

It's one thing to say you're doing formula because [insert legit reasoning here].

Imagine if someone bought her daughter a car but she didn't want to buy her son one because she didn't get the car for her daughter!

Answer

I highly doubt her daughter will care. 😑

Answer

The only reason it's not fair when babies are going to day care is because you're taking away their comforter (your boob) everytime you leave them.

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Pretty sure her older one won't mind😂 that's so stupid lol

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I think that might just be the reason she has given you but there may be any other number of reasons why she has made this decision. It sounds like she had a very tough and emotional time and maybe the thought of breastfeeding brings back those feelings. As long as the baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter!

Answer

Who cares what she decides to do with her children... We don't always understand why people choose a certain way to do things or how they feel. Let her be..

Answer

Honestly, I think breastfeeding is very important - not just for the bonding, but for the child's health.

I was a very sick infant, and didn't grow much. (At 4 years old, I was 10kg and the size of a 2 year old). At not even 6 months, the doctor told mum to stop breastfeeding and put me on formula which completely stunted my growth, and by the time the doctor realised, she'd dried up and was unable to breastfeed. I think Allie should breastfeed for as long as is recommended (as important as it is, it's weird past a certain age).