The weeks go by so slow especially the tww.  Watching my cousin who was 3 weeks head of me belly good makes me sad I'm happy for her and the women around me finding out they are pregnant and holding their babies a part of me is sad and angry I just think I should be 20 weeks not starting all over again now I'm plagued with fear I want to try again but I'm terrified it will happen again some days are good some I want to cry myself to sleep and eat a cheesecake