I'm kind of really upset. I dated this guy at 14 I am now 19 we dated for almost five years. He was my first love, and I thought I was in love. I still care about him a lot. The only down fall is I feel lied to and feel used. My senior year of high school (almost two years ago) I met this teachers aide who I fell in love with as a person. She was freaking amazing. I talked to her all the time. I wanted to be friends with her until she told me she had gone to a high school that I went to. Which was normal, but I found it a little weird. I moved schools my freshmen year, and she was a senior when I went to that school. So I asked her if she new my boyfriend since he had graduated a year before that. She did, told me she had a crush on him and tried to sleep with him in January when he was home (he is military.) I admitted to him being my boyfriend and she ended up leaving not even a week later, does that mean she slept with him? He never admitted to anything but shortly after told me he stopped talking to her and blocked her off of every form of social media. That sounds a little suspicious if you ask me. Later on that year he told me in confidence that he was bi-sexual. Which didn't bother me, until he was home this time... which brings us to today. We haven't been broken up long, but he handed me his phone and saw that there had been downloaded apps, apps for male to male companionship, or hooking up for a one night stand.

Last time he was home before he deployed was November 2015 we broke up and he tried to committ suicide since I "did not love him." I am really confused. I can't just walk out of his life because I feel controlled, like I am on a puppet with strings. I am lost, hurt, and we are both making each other miserable and causing more pain.