I'm a total social outcast because of them.

And so many people are so hypocritical, if  parents says "is it bad that I don't let my child ...." Blah blah blah, they tell the parent how to be a parent and tell them to let go a little, but when it's a teenage girl (I'm 15) asking for advice they give the whole "they only care about you". Obviously I know my parents love me and care about as they have Brought me up right. I get good grades, have good morals, ect. My whole life, I have never been to a party, hardly see my boyfriend outside of school, a friends house or an outing that I've been invited to.

My parents only allow sleepovers at my house, so I can't go over there's (what gets me is that they're too lazy to bother meeting the parents). I can only once every 3 months go to a movie with a friend. We live outside of the city so it's more difficult to sneak out, or go to entertainment places (14-30 train rides, or car rides)

My mother refused and still refuses to talk to me about sex, so she just tells me not to do it, but that only made me want to do it even more. So when I've gone on school trips last year I had sex with a close guy friend in the toilets. And now I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year now, see I was allowed over his house once, for an hour for his birthday, my dad didn't know about it but my mum said I could go for an hour, even then she kept messaging me every 5 minutes. Can you guess what I did in that one hour? I had sex. Because I'm not allowed to do anything with my friends, when I get the access to alcohol us girls drink it. I'm becoming a total rebel. I fight with my parents all the time now.. I honestly wish I could have a better relationship with her, I've tried, believe me. But as soon as I build the relationship up, I ask to do something and she goes off at me, and I go off at her. All the ground rules and restrictions have leaded me down this path. Now my parents aren't completely to blame as my actions are made by me, but they haven't been such a good role model these past few years. Smoking, gambling a lot of our money. The usual. 

I can't have a normal life, I can't. I don't even have a best friend anymore because she could go along with her life while I was still in bubble wrap. I've written them letters, I've had hours and hours of talks/discussions with them, but not much has changed. Trust me I've done it all.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO ANYMORE. Watching my younger cousins and friends all over social media having fun with their friends (even just simple day in the park or a sleepover) is killing me. It has made me a depressed, desperate teenager. Now every chance I get ill do anything I can't do often or for a very long time. I have a job btw.. That's my only getaway. I'm so jealous how my friends parents talk to their children about sex, friendships, and relationships or just life in general.. I'm so jealous.. I know if I wasn't so restricted I wouldn't have lost my virginity.. Especially with a guy who abused me.. I feel so alone😪

I really needed to let it out, I'm sorry..