Ok so I have put on here so many posts about how my boyfriend is perfect and I love him dearly, which I do, I've also put on here how I have anxiety and worry about my relationship a lot. I want to stress that it is tourcher for me to write this because I know you will all think its obvious, I don't actually love my boyfriend, and im fake or something.

Ok so my anxiety was really bad lately and one day I was cleaning the bathroom at our church, and I randomly thought about one of the guys that used to go there but now is in the national guard, I wondered what he was having to do there, I forever wish I hadent had that thought because, I believe my anxiety turned it into something ugly, I worried that I would do something wrong in the relationship, and now my mind found something wrong. I've worried about it the past few days. I'm so sure I don't like him, but why can't I stop worrying and thinking about it? I would do anything to stop it, in the shower this morning I gave something like suicide a first real thought, because I just can't stand myself like this, I love my boyfriend, he's everything, and when I look at these two there isn't any problem picking. So why can't I get over it. Someone help me, its killing me, this is exactly the person I never wanted to be, I knew I'd never become, and here I am bitching about a problem I should never have. Does anyone have any help for me, if I ignore my thoughts will they go? How do I let it go, if I confront it, how do I do it clearly?

Please don't hate on me for this, I just need advice on how to stop it. I hate myself enough right now